Superloser.

This picture says it all! Not just for assignments but also exam. Am a "superheros" for a week!

Being a superheros comes with a huge responsibility. Yeah felt that. 

More like superlosers!

"

Birthday Gift.

"Nobody has ever done this to me, like ever."

Recently I was surprised by a gift. A gift from a friend. I am at utmost grateful for not because of the gift but for just having one such good friend. I don't mean to exaggerate things but it just happened that this is the first time someone ever gave me a birthday gift with such sweet words >,< lol. Though there were some bad moments been going on in this time of year, but I'd say not mostly. It's bittersweet then. Can I say this is one of those great moments in life as pre-adult?

"Carry On" by Fun.

By the way, I have been listening to this song for quite some time now. It's really nice.

Check it out down below,

"Carry On" by FUN

Well I woke up to the sound of silence
the cars were cutting like knives in a fist fight
and I found you with a bottle of wine
your head in the curtains
and heart like the Fourth of July

You swore and said
"We are not
We are not shining stars"
This I know
I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that
I've closed enough windows
to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends
at the edge of the night
At a bar off 75
And we talked and talked
about how our parents will die
All our neighbours and wives

But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets
I am not the ghost you are to me

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Whoa
My head is on fire
But my legs are fine
After all they are mine
Lay your clothes down on the floor
Close the door
Hold the phone
Show me how
No one’s ever gonna stop us now

Cause we are
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we’re miles away
Sun will come
We will find our way home

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

End of Two Weeks Holiday

It has been exactly two weeks. Mid semester break is over. People are coming back here. I have been here the whole time by the way. Did I mention that I stayed behind during our 2 weeks holiday? Yeah I did. It was quiet. There were less people around. I love it. 

I feel kinda sad or rather unpleasant when everybody come back little by little. Noises are everywhere. So many moving people. Even confining myself in the room does not help. I missed waking up to just hearing the creaking sound of my own bed, and blowing wind from the fan. To put in another words, being in my own little world.

I know at some point, eventually my own little world would be over. Well apparently it has. I don't know why but I wanna call this past 2 weeks of mine the little getaway paradise. It really was. I won't lie 'cause it does feel peaceful staying here. The environment is just perfect. A little space from dealing with people is just great once in awhile.

The real work will comes along soon. Though there are some of my previous work hasn't completed yet. I'm such a lazy person. I don't know whether I would have time to write but I'll try. Anyway, 'till then.

It's Nice To Be Celebrated With Good Friends

I guess it's true when people say spontaneous thing do make the most memory of all. At least for me I guess. It has been quite a long time since I had this kind of treatment. I am really really grateful for the celebration they had done for me. For showering me with such surprise, joyous, and the most spontaneous birthday ever! Gosh, I really owe you girls this big time. Thanks a bunch! :)

Above all, I am glad this month didn't turned out to be a nightmare. The reason for this 'cuz my friend pulled through. I couldn't ask for a better gift than that. Everything went well. Everything end up well. 

I am a happy man. 

Oh yeah. I overspent again. Bought myself 2 jeans and 3 T's. Best of all, I had my girls helped out in picking 'em. Well, now thank God it happens only in November 14th lol. 

No matter what, you all made my day :)

Condemned Me.

I am literally crying in the inside right now. Only God knows how I feel deep down. This is the second time I feel like this after my deceased grandfather. Remembering those flashback really brings out the worst emotional part of me. I could have never imagine looking back at my life, I can become like this now. It's commonly said to people, "hey, that's part of life.". However, it is never really what you'd know how to deal with when it is happening. Just knowing is not the as same seeing it happening in front of your eyes.

Today, I'm All Over The Place.

Last night I didn't slept at all. I was up for something entirely ridiculous. Judging from the situation I'm in right now, I wouldn't say I can not do something crazy. I'm a little mixed up with my feelings currently. Why doesn't I feel so so down right now for what happened to people surround me especially my friend? Is it fair to be happy when someone else's not ? I have a lot of those remarks playing over and over again in my mind. Completely involuntary I laughed over this little show I downloaded from #youtube. Then it hit me, is it okay for me to laugh? In my mind, I was like "No, you shouldn't" but I did it anyway. I don't know what is wrong with me. 

Actually I slept at 12 this afternoon and woke up at 3. I sore up pretty much my neck to my arms and backbone. I skipped my lunch meal. Just had dinner at 6. I don't know. Today, I'm all over the place.

I texted my friend's sister again today regarding to my friend's situation. Asked her whether he has woken up yet. I wished it so much that answer would be yes. But unfortunately, it was completely the opposite. God, how I need a miracle now.

I Have/Will Not.

I have not stop believing. You will wake up. You have promise me that with your own words. I will not stop believing. I WILL NOT.

I don't know what else to do but surrender to You, Father. Please help Your son, please :'(

Safe & Sound.

Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars

I remember tears streaming down your face

When I said, "I'll never let you go"

When all those shadows almost killed your light

I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"

But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window, darling,

Everything's on fire

The war outside our door keeps raging on

Hold on to this lullaby

Even when the music's gone

Gone

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh

La La (La La)

La La (La La)

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh

La La (La La)

Just close your eyes

You'll be alright

Come morning light,

You and I'll be safe and sound...

Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh oh oh. [x7]

***Please be okay.

God, Please Help Him.

"Dear Father in heaven, it's me again, I've been asking quite a lot recently, I am sorry for I am just your humbly servant. I am grateful to be given the belief of knowing you're always by our side no matter what. That has given me a little comfort. But right now, I am humbly asking for your comfort to reach to my dearest/a friend who's been admitted to the hospital again today. I am terribly shocked by this news. Please please please please, help my friend be okay. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen."

:'(

"Torn"

"Bila balik? Kenapa tak balik lagi?"

Yeah. I got that A LOT recently. My answer is always "tak pasti lagi". Because the truth is I don't know. However, I really do want to go back actually. Then I can see you. But flight ticket to Sabah is quite expensive for last minute booking. Sigh. Well I can go to my sister's place in Shah Alam. But it's the same thing, costs a lot of money. and she's staying with her boyfriend by the way. I don't really get along with him. 

If I just stay in campus, I wouldn't have to spend much money. I will use it mainly for eating out, and buy some food supplies to eat in the room only. Moreover, I will have time to do my bucket of assignments that is due by the end of this two weeks holidays. and what about my SIEP, I planned to do it during this holidays though.

Hmm. so yeah I'm torn between staying in Jeli, or go to my sister's. What do I want?

Oh, my friend/roommate invited me to Penang and stay with him, just incase I don't have where else to go. That's another thing to consider.

I Disappointed You.

"You disappointed me."

Who would have thought that matter would be of an immense devastating news to you. I am terribly sorry. It wasn't intentional. It thought it was okay, but apparently it wasn't (I knew it).

I let my guard down. 

Everyday is a challenge. I have to be careful with things I deal with; things I say; things I do; and things I promise now. I need something that can alarm myself with this matter. What would that be?

God, please help me. Guide me. Accord me to the right decisions of all. Please.

Recently, I am Miserable At Best.

"It was  a very very very hectic week for me."

Rushing through assignments, laboratory reports, journals, and research proposal for thesis to the deadlines were all that had been going on and on in my mind. Talk about finally being THE final year students, it was crazy. 

I felt the stress. I felt the tension. I felt the pressure. 

To that person,

Do you think maybe it was because of all that I became sensitive to you?

Does that sounds like an excuse? 

I know you were once a student who had gone through this phase in university too, however I don't think it's fair to just say that I should be able to have a sense of control over this. I believe each people have their own level in dealing with these things. Including me. Do you ever think that maybe I am not really as good as you are or what you think I am? 

Now would that sounds as an excuse if I ask you again? 

It's not an excuse. It's just me. I tried to change. But I can't. I failed.

If only you are here, things might have been different. However that is just a big what if, like try harder.

A Day With Penang (Short-Entry)

Location: Penang Island

Date: 26th October 2012

Time: 6.30am - 11.30pm

Special Entry.

Jetty Pulau Banting 

Fort Cornwallis

 Fort Cornwallis

 Little India Street

Chowrasta Market - 

waiting in line for penang road famous cendol (yummy!)

Queensbay Mall -

Met my crazy roommate and we had Subway and Starbucks together.

All in all, it was an exciting day. Glad I went there. It was my first time being there F.Y.I. Georgetown is nice. Love it. Thanks to my friend, Puspa, for taking me with you. and also the rest for just being presence. 

I had a great time. wouldn't mind to go there again.

See you next time Penang!

Have I been Hiding All This While?

"When I think everything is okay, I can't rejoice yet, 'cause I believe it wasn't really really okay."

Situation makes people change. It's true. I witnessed it. Frankly speaking, I am going through it right now. But the question is, is it the change that do good things to me or the opposite? I can't tell 100% what is what. I can go around saying everything is okay (because I did) when it's not. I think I have the tendency to shush my problem just enough time before it's time to deal with it - without proper preach I end up solving nothing.

To that other people, who can't keep away such problem just like that, I felt really sorry to you. I didn't show much concern when I should have. I think that is why our problem got dragged.

Problem needs attention. Mad man I'd be.

Situation Make People Change.

I am good at being calm when I am stable. But I am also good in being super aggravating when I'm emotionally unstable. Although I don't know how, but I am pretty good in getting under one's skin and literally make them mad as well.

Recent event had proved that. With that, things changed.

Things were simple back then, when we were not thousand miles apart. I can see no upside-down smiley. I can see no leaking tears. I can see no reason both of us would get hurt. It was simple. I missed it.

Things aren't simple now, when we are thousand miles apart. It's hard not to see upside-down smiley. It's hard not to see leaking tears. It's hard not to see both of us getting hurt. It is not simple. I hate it.

God, how I miss the old days.

Soul mate.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Font Tattoos

Hey,

So I've been going through my mind about this, I wanna get a tattoo.....

....... maybe?

Anyway, don't mind the gender. I'm just trying to show you what kind of tattoo that I wanted. It is simple. It could be a word, or a sentence. Something that is very meaningful, to me. I don't fancy the all extravagance tattoos that you commonly see. nor the one that you're thinking right now (which is the one that you commonly see lol). I just want tattoo like what you see in the pictures above. 

So, if I am really ready to go for this, I thought why not "Free". The word that i wanted to get imprint permanently on my body. It symbolizes how I really hunger for freedom mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. Don't ask me from what. But I haven't really achieved that, God knows when I'm gonna be on that state. Hmmm so maybe "I wanna be free"? 

What do yo you think?

First two thousand twelve post.

Hello,

Yeap it was last year when i stopped writing on this blog; right after i finished my examination. Exactly on 5.48pm Wednesday 20th of April 2011. gosh lol.

When i read back my last post, i chuckled a little, 'cause well it's kinda late to announce the result now no? haha. anyway, yeah i got a pretty acceptable but not so outstanding result la lol.

A lot has happened during those non-blogging days of mine, i managed to finished 2 semesters of my study, i managed to change my usage of smartphone twice (yeah that costed me money),i managed to get involved in awards video making project again for one more time, i managed to attend my practical training for 16 weeks, i managed to get a part time job in an Italian restaurant for 2 months, i even managed to get my weight up (not so sure i should be happy about it), and bla bla bla. 

Yes a lot has happened that it's almost impossible to write them all down. I gained experiences that i hardly imagine i'd get by myself. I met various kind of people i never thought i can meet. I learned sometimes  to gain knowledge also means you have to get your hands dirty (yeah literally 'cause of the course that i'm undertaking), and to being away from my family taught me how important family is. All of that I'd certainly not taken for granted. But i'll tell you one thing i didn't managed to get though, a girl. lol.

Anyway, I miss this. Writing down things in this almost forsaken blog of mine. Pouring my so-called confessions to my heart's content. Just going through that monologuize session again. Honestly, I can't believe i would actually say this but blogging really can make me feel calm :) 

What about you guys?